Ugh . . . there it is. That oppressive wall of Porta-Potties you knew you'd have to contend with eventually. It's like being Frodo and looking down into Mordor. You really really don't wanna go in there, but you have a duty, and in this case it's not destroying a ring, it's destroying a doody. Regardless of what you're expelling from your body, going to the bathroom at a festival is at best a humbling experience, and at worst, soul-crushing. Luckily, there are things you can do to downgrade the experience from "horrifically catastrophic" to just "unnerving." Here they are:

1. Hand Sanitizer

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If you’re already a germaphobe, you probably carry this with you at all times anyway. If not, bring some with you to the festival. While many Porta-Potty ghettos usually start off the day with sanitizer and hand washing stations, most run out well before night falls. Having your own sanitizer guarantees you can eat later on and not be constantly worried you’re going to get cholera.

2. Baby Wipes

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While hand sanitizer actually kills germs, it doesn’t give you that so-fresh-and-so-clean feeling that a baby wipe or moist towelette does. They are refreshing and wet and actually make you feel clean. Plus they usually have a fresh baby scent which is reassuring after having smelled the output of hundreds of peoples’ lower intestines. Bonus: you can use them to wipe down surfaces inside the Porta-Potty if you happen to be too wobbly to properly hover above the hole. And always remember to pack them out in a ziplock bag, wipes can clog the potties.

3. Vick’s VapoRub

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Are you the kind of person who has a physical reaction to vile odors? If so, dab a little Vick’s VapoRub (or a generic version) right under your nose. This is what crime scene investigators do when dealing with decomposing organic material (read: dead bodies). The intense camphor/eucalyptus/menthol scents penetrate your nasal passages making it so that all you smell is what’s under your nose. Plus, if you were going to raves in the late '90s and early '00s, you’ll remember that a bit of Vick’s VapoRub, put into a doctor’s mask and worn while on certain “mood enhancers” is pretty awesome. Not that we condone that sort of thing, but you get it.

4. Figure Out the Cleaning Schedule

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If you’re going to a longer festival that involves camping, like Burning Man or Bonaroo, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you’re gonna have to drop a deuce at some point. One thing you can do to make it more tolerable is to ask around and find out what the cleaning schedule is for the bathrooms closest to your campsite. Once you've got that figured out, you can try to get your body schedule on the same time as the cleaning schedule, thus being the first one to do business in a freshly cleaned can.

5. Pick Your Porta-Potty Well

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Some of those gross bastards have been cooking in the sun for hours, like some kind of demented Easy-Bake Oven. This ratchets up the wretchedness on an exponential level. If you can, find johns that are in the shade or that have been out of direct sunlight for a large part of the day. The combination of heat, humidity and poop makes me not believe in God.

6. Stuff Yourself Up

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Do you have a serious aversion to Porta-Potties? Well, while it's not ideal, you might consider eating and drinking things that will make you constipated. You know what they are.

And finally, if you’re one of those sick people that actually does drugs in the Porta-Potties, may God have mercy on your soul.

Share your festival restroom tales in the comments below. Don't be shy. Everyone poops.

Stuart is the author of the Broke-Ass Stuart travel guide series and was the co-creator and host of the IFC show "Young, Broke & Beautiful." Follow him on BrokeAssStuart.com, Twitter and Facebook.